When Pleasing You Is Killing Me!

This was the topic today in one of the breakout sessions here in Glorieta.  A timely session after seeing my friend Pete Wilson struggle with this same idea on his blog yesterday.  I told Pete that I would take good notes for him.

Seriously this is an issue that most ministers and pastors struggle with.  We simply don't want to disappoint people even though we know that being "right" for everyone isn't always possible.

This book is a six-week study (is that all that it takes to fix this disease?)on learning skills to balance and order your life so that you can quit being a people pleaser.

I come by it honestly--it's in my DNA from my Dad who struggled to say "NO" until the very end of his days because he was afraid that people would never ask him again to preach or speak. I remember that as clear as yesterday him expressing that fear.   Maybe that has been ingrained in me too.

The class today gave these practical steps in "breaking the cycle" of people pleasing.  I'm sure they are not exhaustive and I'd love to hear some feedback from other people who suffer from this malady:

Seven Signs You Are A People Pleaser

1).  You do things out of duty--it's your duty to do something for someone (you may even be guilted into doing something because of your job title or position)

2). You set aside your own legitimate needs (this is not healthy)

3). You equate being decisive with hurting feelings (so you don't do it)

4). You have difficulty with limits in your life (ouch!)

5). You have sensitivity to judgements (or you make rash judgements about people)

6). You need help in keeping life controlled.

7). You are dishonest about who you really are.

People pleasers by definition are the ones who have a tendency to cater to other's preferences to the detriment of their own personal well being.   People pleasers yield to the whims of others without regard for their own personal thoughts or feelings.

I won't tell you what I scored on the evaluation--but it's an area that I need to pay attention to.

So tell me--are you are people pleaser?